How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 
Hey sin guy… who the fuck is Leisha?
n/a, samus said he might stay over there for 6 months instead of 3… he said there is lots of good tasting people…or something….
hey chey, wats up… I cant talk long im in someone elses house…lol…
how do you shut off an alarm?
lol… i dont know im not an alarm person!
why the fuck are you still in the house?… do you really wanna get caught?! were r u anyway?
i cant say where i am wat if the cops find this page in the memory of the computer or sumthing?! duh!
leave that house and go to another that is ferther away… then go back on this chat thingy…
ya ill do that ttyl…
hey chey what r u doing tonight?
going to see a movie with victoria’s brother… he says that victoria is doing better with the whole feeding thing…she has fed on… 5 people in nunivut…lol… pretty far away! she has found some new friends, they have the same problem…
what is his name?
who?
her brother or her new friends?
her brother? i havent met him…
No yer not gunna kill’em…
fine… but if he hurts you in any way im gunna hurt him… idc if he is victoria’s bro!
ok but he wont hurt me…
im just saying if he does… he’s gone…
ok im back!
k im gunna get of for now…
ttyl…
ok ttyl to u 2
ok c u l8er…
oh yay chad is calling me! i gtg peace out and ttyl!
fuck off i got back on here for nothing! wat eVa..lol.. im gunna go to ttyl chey!
dont yall ever go 2 school??
Chey…..a few things….one….you don’t want to meet leisha…she’ll murder you…two…whoever said i was a guy………………….but then again who said i was girl either…..hm………. samus……..warning for right now…..you come near ever again……you won’t survive me…..i’m on my last thread of sanity at this current moment and it’s not going to be pretty if i snap….and besides i’d like some proof that i’ve been watched other than smelling the imbicile who’s been peeping from a quarter mile away at least……oh and samus……you might want to stay away when november comes around…..
ya we r in high school…
Sin littelle, leisha wont touch her… i will kill her before she comes close! and you wont be able to kill samus…lol… no one can lol… cant you read wat i am writing he can kill 7 at once he is amazing! i cant measure up im like somewat as strong as him but not the same he feeds alot so he has the strength of the hulk, wolverine, and a vampire… i guess…
N/a…..You’ve gone too far in saying such insults to my kin….My clan is by far nearly the strongest of the last existing of the nobilities. Don’t test my patients. Leisha isn’t very easy to find, nor is she easy to kill. Morgan Sin is not as easy to figure out either. Being the way that Sin is, the abilities this vampire has is to hide its true identity at all costs then strike and kill. Their may be rumors flying around, but you can’t catch Sin no matter what you try.
As for me, don’t test me. I’m not easy to find, nor kill, and my patience wears thin…very thin…..
You talk as if you were out of a 1940’s dracula movie, cut the shit and mind your buisness…
Sin will die soon enough…when im ready…
lol leisha stands no chance niether do you, Caileth…
hey, n/a… Sin littelle’s blood is tainted… its not pure, he is not a pure bread vampire, he’s not even close…