How To Become a Vampire

I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.

It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.

Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)

“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com and check out the numerous sites and books available. Just don’t fall for the “forbidden secrets revealed!!” shtick and you should be fine.

To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).

Night Vision

Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.

The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.

Dark and Mysterious

The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.

As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *

Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.

Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.

Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) ;)

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940 Responses to “How To Become a Vampire”

  1. Esme says:

    Vincilia! insertnamehere! I missed everyone… went to Africa for a college course, and havent had time to use the internet…. My apologies. How is everyone doing?

  2. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    Hello Esme, I am doing very well dear and yourself? How was Africa?

  3. Esme says:

    I was shocked at all the poverty and how helpless people were.
    When I was in the safari truck, I passed a woman hlding a child. there were flies swarming her face and the baby’s.
    she didnt even swat at them because she knew life was that hopeless. That made me sad.
    I was studying the animals there, but I hiked around and saw the people too. braught some tootsie rolls and clothes for the children I met. It felt awesome helping people who have nothing.

  4. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    I see Esme. Apologies that you had to witness such a sight, but glad you were happy helping the unfortunate.

  5. Esme says:

    I think seeing it made me stronger, in a way. I have a greater appreciation for being born in North America (im canadian) and I realize not everyone has it good. I’m more thankful now than I’ve ever been. So, how’s it been with you?

  6. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    I see. Everything has been fine with myself. Thank you for asking.

  7. Esme says:

    So…. fellow Blog-ians… Why is no one but us talking?

  8. Mandy says:

    Been very long since I am back to here, I am in ruins from my family problems. And I really do not know of what I can do anymore. I was told that someone was able to change me, but in the end that did not happen. I am really helpless on what I can do to help myself and all.

  9. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    Stop believing in things that are not possible, Mandy.

  10. Esme says:

    Don’t worry Mandy. Problems suck (no pun intended) , but like my grandpa used to say: “Rain before Rainbow!” Things have to get worse before they get better. As for being changed, I’m undecided wheather it can happen or not. Just bet on “No” to be safe.

  11. Esme says:

    99.5% “No” though….

  12. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    There are things best left alone Esme and Mandy. Now, apologies for being rude a moment ago, but let’s start casual shall we? How are you both feeling and anything interesting happen to either of you lately?

  13. Esme says:

    Just the Africa thing for me.. how about you, Mandy?

  14. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    I see. Lovely.

  15. Mandy says:

    I almost commit suicide due to the incidents I am facing, really stress out and I really wished I can be stronger cause I am forced to do things that I do not want to do. I am abused too, really not gonna be able to take it. =((

  16. trystian says:

    vampire dude iam 10 years old and if you say yes that you will change me then i live in huntsville texas email me at my facebook

  17. trystian says:

    78 lessa lane
    gose to the one comment

  18. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    Mandy, I understand your pain dear, but death is no solution.
    If anything anger, and compassion is usually the most prominent answer to your situation.

  19. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    Hm. I am surprised that it appears no one had been on in a long time.

  20. Vincilia Delmorsal says:

    No one is on here anymore.

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