How To Become a Vampire

I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.

It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.

Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)

“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com and check out the numerous sites and books available. Just don’t fall for the “forbidden secrets revealed!!” shtick and you should be fine.

To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).

Night Vision

Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.

The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.

Dark and Mysterious

The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.

As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *

Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.

Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.

Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉

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942 Responses to “How To Become a Vampire”

  1. Laura Sifllem says:

    what is The key?
    Charles was your last comment to me?
    Oxx

  2. Half says:

    Charles can you help me? Please email me at bmckinnon81@yahoo.com

  3. Half says:

    I might be a Dhampir. If you can give me some tips on how to be sure please tell me. I might be able to help some of you if you like to.

  4. charles huntifff says:

    a dhampyr is a district of saiton, it has no knowledge of the same race as akara’s

  5. Half says:

    Hello, Charles. I have been waiting for your reply.

  6. Half says:

    I am so sorry for my relentless writing. I just required answers.

  7. Half says:

    Charles I was wondering if you knew anything about Dhampirs or how you can tell if you are one?

  8. Half says:

    I am sorry for writing over and ver but no one seems to reply so I shall continue being annoying until i get a answer!!

  9. charles huntifff says:

    Waiting doesn’t shallow you on, as i have waiton longless moons!
    I can not answer thee question frankely upon the race.
    I do not prejudice man in that way.
    I have a close key friend, lives in france. rue mirbeau, if you want to Speak to him meet him there!!!

  10. Half says:

    Thank You!!!!! I cannot express how grateful I am!!

  11. Half says:

    Thank You agin!!

  12. Shy says:

    Are vampires real. I think they r can somebody help me?
    : become one?

  13. snight out says:

    Vampires are totally real.
    I also have proof of a vampire i encountered with..
    He accepted that i take a picture of his teath (Not his face….- i dont know why-) But he’s real im being serious, you don’t have to belive me but im being really serious.

    Id love to become a vampire, but he said it takes knowledge to actually know howto be one!!!
    Heres a link to the teath photo
    http://img152.imageshack.us/my.php?image=vpteathyw7.jpg

  14. Fozie says:

    YOU GUYS ARE ALL VAMPIRES. I AM NOT. I AM UNIQUE. [:

  15. shelby says:

    I am not a vampire, but my boyfriend is….god i love him. He refuses to change me. It’s not what you think anyways. theres different type cirten ones bleed some dont, some live forever some age, there are some with the crazy long teeth some with out them, my boyfiend is very uniqe. he bleeds and ages, but he refuses to let me see his teeth, his eyes change colors from blue to silver. he’s completley and eternaly mine.
    any questiong just ask
    shelby.kristine.jones@gmail.com

  16. Half says:

    Hello, I am a Dhampir… I am sure of it now. Half human half vampire. ( I’m mostly vampire myself, pale skin, semi-sharp teeth the works) If you would like to talk to me e-mail me at bmckinnon81@yahoo.com

  17. charles huntifff says:

    Can i speak in private with the man names ( Shelby) because i am sick and tired of demersiol interigations.

    I wanna talk about thee demersiol akarhian And what we do as a living.

  18. shelby says:

    hey charles, i’m a girl if you were talking about me….if you want to talk to my darling i’ll have to ask….doesn’t really like talking so most of the time i talk through him..hehe….he’s so sweet.

  19. charles huntifff says:

    Is it possible for me and him to do a video call upon the messanger?
    Thats if you do have a mic and webcamera of course!
    As i currently do.

  20. shelby says:

    you’ll have to wait a bit. he lives in australia and he’s probley not up and if he is he’s bussy. so just hold on for about 2 or 3 hours.

    god i love him(we are edward and bella)

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