How To Become a Vampire

I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.

It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.

Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)

“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com and check out the numerous sites and books available. Just don’t fall for the “forbidden secrets revealed!!” shtick and you should be fine.

To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).

Night Vision

Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.

The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.

Dark and Mysterious

The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.

As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *

Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.

Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.

Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉

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942 Responses to “How To Become a Vampire”

  1. Shy says:

    Nice picture

    Snight out

  2. Tellmesomething says:

    Hi Charles… i am Shelby’s boyfriend. I have given you my email alot of times… I do have a webcam and mic. What is your email? Tell me.

  3. Aerie says:

    Hi everybody,

    I’m a new entry. I live in Italy and I’m interested to become a vampire or to know someone too.

    Please answer me.

    Thanks a lot

  4. charles huntifff says:

    Snight out, any chance of me talking to you vert viasa due to msn?

  5. Aerie says:

    Dear Charles,

    you can use this account to contact me on msn : sspitaletta@yahoo.com

  6. charles huntifff says:

    I have no intension of contacting you.
    Why are you in need of me contacting you?

  7. Maddie says:

    I think what Shelby said about her boyfriend was sweet^^

  8. lixytrix says:

    look theres a lot of talk out there that im really not a vampire… well you dont have to believe me cuz i wont care… look i age and i bleed…. i dont like the sun cuz we have sensitive eyes and it basicallly burns them…. we dont drink blood well only from animals but some other kinds do do humans… i do the same things other than i am really quiet and i am always stayin to myself… if u have any question just ask and i will answer…. bye….

  9. Aerie says:

    Sorry Charles

    I misunderstand.

    As I wrote I’m new. I’m interested all about vampires. From many years I see films and read about this argument, but is the first time that I read that the vampire really exist.

    I’m just curious and I woul know more about.

    Oh …. I read Twilight and like many people, I would hope that you are really and just like the personages in the book.

  10. shelby says:

    hey maddi,
    thanks, i really do love him. he means more to me then my own life. he’s compleatly perfect, for me at least. he knows how to geet my spirits up, or make me feel better when i’m sick. theres only one problem HE LIVES IN AUSRTALIA. but i dont care. in about 4 years i’m giving up my simple country life to move closer to him.
    thanks bunches
    shelby jones
    shelby.kristine.jones@gmail.com(thats if you want to talk to me ^_^)

  11. Charles huntifff says:

    I’ll be leaving for 3sun light opens.
    I’ll be back after 4moons rise!

  12. Maddie says:

    What happens if you dream about something and it comes true???? Sorry that was random…

  13. shelby says:

    I have dreams like that. I have been told because i’m a prophacy, but i dont think I’m anything special. Just regular old shelby…not shelby the prophacy. Just like my darling is, my darling, not my darling the vampire. Personaly i think its just a mild coincidence.

  14. Half says:

    Uhh… Can i speak privately with any other dhampirs? Oh, and i’m a girl soo… i have yahoo messenger so any other dhampir with that system give me your contact or whatever so i can message u

  15. Aerie says:

    Hallo everibody,

    I’d talk to someone because I would understand how means to be a vampire. His life, his feelings and so on.

    I should be a vampire

  16. destiny says:

    I like vamps and everything but they ARE NOT REAL!!!!!!! Sorry but ya’ll are retarded

  17. destiny says:

    ME AGAIN^^^^^^^ FROM UP THERE!! I SAID I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN THEM BUT IF ANY ONE REALLY IS ONE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW TO TURN INTO ONE! AND DON’T GIVE ME THAT CRAP ABOUT BEING BORN BECAUSE THAT IS A BUNCH OF BS!!!

  18. Charles huntifff says:

    If the born is bs then you must know how to become a akara?
    I didn’t get a choice of becoming a monster,
    Other man do.
    But hear me loud and listen Don’t serupt density.!!!

  19. Half says:

    I agree with Charles. Although I am only a Dhampir I feel half of the intensity of being a Vampire. I didn’t choose to be one either!!

  20. Simon tolight says:

    A dhampir/dhampyre is to be a akara killer.!
    They search akara’s and hunt them down and murder us!
    Is that what you are a akara hunter?

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