How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
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HEY EVERYBODY! I REALLY NEED SOMEONE’S HELP, THERE IS THIS GUY WHO IAM REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH AND EVERYTIME I SEE HIM I JUST WANT TO POUNCE ON HIM AND BITE HIS NECK AND DRINK HIS BLOOD. ANYTHIME THAT HE IS NEAR ME I JUST WANT TO DRINK HIS BLOOD. I CRAVE HIM SO MUCH.I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY GOOD FRIEND TO ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME I JUST FEEL LIKE HE’S TEASING ME WITH THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME. IAM IN NEED OF HELP VERY BADLY. WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE HURRY BEFORE IT’S TO LATE. U CAN TEXT ME AT 443-669-4389 OR EMAIL ME AT: Gemini_doll_baby@yahoo.com. please help.
Napkin is a vampire it suck ladies blood.
Dear Kaylee,If you really are a vampire.You are lucky I found you.I am also a vampire and here is my story.I can help.I am unfortunately stuck at 10.It was 1901 when I was out for a short walk home from my friends.I got sidetracked and turned a wrong way.I think I had been walking for about an hour when I noticed I was going the wrong way.I wandered into the forest and I was in the middle of a hunt for some vampires.That’s how I am stuck.Before I was a vampire I had brown eyes,brown hair,and was a little weak.Now I have dark brown hair,gold eyes and I have 100% more power then any human.Here is what you need to do if you’re alone.Join the nearest coven.Depending on where you live you can join the nearest coven or move somewhere.Join the Speedest coven whick is in Europe,the Paresa coven which is in Mexico,the Strines coven which is in Antartica,the Hailus coven which is in South America,the Reneem coven which is in Africa,the Chestardo coven which is in Australia,Babeus coven which is in Asia,the Ayus coven which is in Canada,and finally,the Finusleadus coven which is in North America.I admit human blood is tasty.But always hunt animals.If you’re hunting stop by my coven and we can go hunting togather.Respond if you have anything to say.To Kaylee age 12.From Jake age 10.
Dear Dria,8/10 vampires have talents.Try everything you can.I have a talent to control love.It isn’t that bad.Except the fact I’m a boy.If you are a vampire go hunt some animals and fill up a bunch of cups with it’s blood.Drink it until you have absolutely had enough.Then, hang around your friends.If you’re full of blood it dosn’t bother you as much.Keep trying to find your talent.Remember to try absolutely everything.To Dria,From Jake.
for the past 3 days my friend and i have a really bad craving to drink blood..we have tried to drink our own blood but that dosent help….what should we do???what does this mean???we would like to know how to become a vampire as well….
@Cody – my friend and i have had this bad craving for blood..we have tried drinking our own but that dosen’t help..what does that mean..what should we do???…how do we become a vampire???PLEASE HELP US!!!!!
– please turn me…
@Jake –
Hello my name is Tiga! i am 13 years old and i have been trying to become a vampire for years and i want to know if u could help me? that would mean so much to me!
Wow ur all idiots. Its a legend. They don’t exist.
hey, i want 2 bite someone but i dnt want 2 at the same time please help me.
hey…..iam looking to bite someone and looking to maybe grow a romance….if anyone is intersted call me or text me at:443-669-4389…….just ask for arielle….
Vampires DON’T exist in real life!
Come on everybody! Open your eyes!
If you are a vampire and you say that you are craving for blood, ITS PSYCHOLOGICAL!
If you think vampires are cool then they’re cool, but they REALLY DON’T EXIST!
If you are saying that it is really REAL and you yourself is REALLY a VAMPIRE, then why wouldn’t you SHOW EVIDENCE that you are really one?
I had years of research for this and how to become one but it all results that they are just MYTHS!
If someone here, thinks that they are really vampires, then show your EVIDENCE!
Bite me and make me one if you are really a VAMPIRE so that I will BELIEVE…
Vampires are created as entertainments and thrillers for movies, books, and other stories but don’t make it influence you.
IF YOU WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE. YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO NONESENSE STUFF.
i really love to have a family of my own..
If this shit is really real….come and bite me, if i don’t get bit, then you are all full of shit. and if you actually have supernatural powers…then tracking me down won’t be hard.
ice cold hearted……i would love to have a family as well……i just havent found the right person…..to settle down with.
Hi my name is Tiffany I am 13 and I have been paying attention to articles and news about vampires but there’s is never real prove that there are vampires I want to be a vampire. I always believed in them and wishes to be a vampire…. may u please come to me and tell me bout vampires and then maybe change me? Contact me please!
Please change me into a vampire!
I’ve been a vampire since 1947. I’ve been 18 for a while now. If I do say myself, a lot of these websites have everything wrong about our kind. Of course we don’t like the sun much, we don’t eat much human food (only when necessary, like when we’re around humans or at school and stuff), if you’re strong enough you can go without blood for more than a couple weeks. Our body temperature is quite chilly. Most people would say it is very unusual to have such a cold temperature. I’m also sure some of you have heard that we sometimes are created with a supernatural power or ability. It’s rare to get one of these gifts, but I do have one. I was created with the ability to push out whatever my feelings are, whether it is depressed or dismal to happy or joyful, to the people that surround me. I can push this ‘force’ out about 30 feet. My vampire family and I have still been working on my ‘force’. It is a very interesting subject. So if you have any questions about vampires ask me.
I believe that half the posts on here are from small children or teens that have read some kind of vampiric fictional novel, by the latest post I would say “Twilight”
How can some of you actually say that you are indeed vampires? I’ve read a lot of different posts of people claiming to be vampires but all say very different things. How can the rest of you believe this stuff? It is not real, and even if it was, why on earth would you think that they would share their secrets on the internet with just anyone to read.
Hey Jess, got MSN messenger?