How To Become a Vampire

I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.

It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.

Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)

“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com and check out the numerous sites and books available. Just don’t fall for the “forbidden secrets revealed!!” shtick and you should be fine.

To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).

Night Vision

Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.

The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.

Dark and Mysterious

The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.

As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *

Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.

Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.

Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉

Related posts :

942 Responses to “How To Become a Vampire”

  1. Tom james says:

    IS belief something you doubt?
    Is death something you fear?

    What is death and what is apprehended after death?

    There are thousands of claimed species in this planet-
    mermades (Real) but not a human, a little fish in the shape of a human but doesn’t infact look like one.

    Fairy- without a doubt they are absulutly fake.

    goblins- These arn’t real.

    Alien: UAF

    God: Who knows?

    Jesus: Yes, but he was powerfull because of his knowlegde not because he supposebly had supperia powers.

    Vampires: Who said these arn’t real?

    Death: most: certainly real- Deathis real.
    Something has to happen after death?
    Has to happen?
    Nothing just can not happen!

    So why arn’t vampires real?

    I have some webcam footage of a real.
    With out a doubt a real vampires.

    And it does has some proof he is one.

    It starts of with a random dude laughing on a camera- He starts to bite himself.
    Blood rushes out from his insercular system.
    Falls on the floor.
    Rises with a rat belive it or not rapped around his scrawny little hands.!

  2. Maddie says:

    thats allright i exept ur apolagy……. I have somthing to confess on my own….. Wat I said about a friend dieing??? Not quite true, I made that up to see peoples reaction, n u have no idea how bad I felt after wards……. I was also in a bad mood, n thats like the 1st time Ive eva done somthing like that…. so I am dredfully srry. But i did have a coson whos friend died at afair, she had an alurgy to peenuts, n some o the food she ate had some… Please forgive me……….
    P.S I hope u dont change ur mind bout me emailing u… I want to belive in Vamps, I really do, but i just cant…

    Hey Tom James??
    Truthfully, I have no idea wat u r talkin bout. But I do kno How it feels 2 die. I just thinkabout a certen way 2 die… n i kno how it feels…
    I also can see ghosts, aperantly my house is like there stop, on their way 2 go where their going… Only they dont get there.

  3. Maddie says:

    Hey Morgan, I tryed 2 email u but it didnt work, if u want 2 u can email me, Chocolatefox122Gmail.com Ya I kno the name is goofy it was the onlything I could think of

  4. Maddie, I accept your apology, but please be aware of what you are saying before you type it. I must admit we all sometimes do that and don’t realize what we are doing. I emailed you, and I believe you may have accidentally typed a 2 for an @ sign, yes? I’ll speak to you in email.

  5. Darling says:

    I am most curious about vampires, their history, and those who claim to be. If someone or a supposed vampire would please come into contact with me, and wouldn’t mind talking to me and answering my questions, it would be greatly appreciated. My e-mail address is darling1493@yahoo.com

    Thank you.

  6. For anyone who has any questions, email me at MorganSin_Littelle@hotmail.com I’d be more than happy to answer any.

  7. Alot of people on here who say they are the (night walker) are lying ive been one since I was 8 years old as I said a wile ago on page 15 of this sight… I have not yet tasted blood i have kept myself from feeding for about 7 years now.

    I am 15 years old now and hungry but normal human food does not help me very much…and another thing vampirism is a far less evolved version of canabalism that was discovered early in the 1200’s by a man studying the human body that had human tissue inside of his mouth… and human blood in the stomache. Later on they found a disease they called canabalism witch takes over the human brain causing the hunger for human blood… unexplained but true…

  8. This disease is airborn but not easily caught it strikes the healthier only little chance does it give the less healthier person’s a small chance to be caught, but some people are just crazy and eat other people(sick is another word)

    And also that thing i said about the 1200’s they actually called it vampirism i made a mistake… because they found a dead bat 4 years before the body ans noticed the teeth… there for they called it vampirism.

  9. Maddie says:

    so ur basicly saying that if u have sharp teeth ur going 2 have a cannable disease….
    srry I couldnt help^^

  10. Those comments before Maddie’s last were quite inconciderate of us here. We are not diseased, nor are we lyers. For those of you who think we are, be it lyer or diseased in the Not Available’s opinion, try meeting us in person and seeing for yourself what we are truly like. I’m no cannabal. I’m Omnivorous as anyone can be, I’m just picky, I’m no carnivor nor cannabal. I’d hate to eat my own kind. It’s just simply not decent nor well mannered. I’d suggest you pay heed to this and take warning, I’ve been quite irritable as of late and have been in some quite foul moods. Don’t test my patience please.

  11. lightwireex says:

    the sorrow of life and the sweat simplicity of death, to be re-awoken just to have to go through both, ah but just a nice dream..

  12. Very true I must say.

  13. dhampir101 says:

    i think im a dhampir. can someone explain to me how i can be sure.
    please:)

  14. Maddie says:

    ummmmm wat the heck did u say?? I couldnt understand that.
    I’ve been having some weird dreams, night-mears actully, like I dreamed that I was in a hotell surounded by water, and there was 2 bombs that were about 2 go off, I tryed everything I could 2 stop them from going off, But in order 2 save my-self I ennded up jummping off the hotell roof. The dream changed where I was wit my class, where the bomb had gone off. I looked at where the hotell used 2 be, n saw 2 grups of ghosts, 1 small n 1 big. the small group jumped right before the bomb went off. the small group didnt make it, nither did the big 1. It was like a reoncarnation of wat happened. then I went under the water n saw all the bodies of the peeps that had died. I just recently had a dream that a deamoned took my bro on a ship n covered his face wit I guess puss so he couldnt see. I tryed 2 save my bro… But the deamoned thru him in the water. I jumped in 2 save him.. But he had already drowned… These Night-mares have made me the most scared that I have ever been… Well not quite true, but still!! I want 2 kno wat my dreams mean n why I’m having them.

  15. Maddie, message me on hotmail. 🙂 We can talk there.

  16. You all don’t understand nor r u real vampires cuz if you were you would also know the truth that I have learned from the voices in my dreams…cannabalism is not all the same as vampirism… vampirism is the hunger for human blood and is a curse/disease cannabalism is when a human cannot controle it and it leads to insanity wich causes them to eat each other completely… so if you cannot see the truth i have bestowed apon you then you cant be vampire or evan have a life because you say you are vampires and think you are when you have a scary dream why would you wast your time on the computer…I do it because i cannot go outside at certin times of day nor do i have the time…(too busy)

  17. I have tried to be nice, thus far, however, my patience is wearing thin…we are not diseased FREAKS like you may be if that’s what you are…. We are also NOT some kind of cannabalistic people that consume everything in their wake, nor do most of us CRAVE blood. Over 69% of the VAMPYRE RACE is psi or hybrid vampyre where we crave subtle ENERGY compared to the blood of humans. WE DO NOT HAVE A DISEASE THAT CAUSES US TO BE THIS WAY! WE ARE NOT CANNIBALS NOR ARE WE SOME SORT OF COVEN OR GROUP THAT WOULD EAT OUR OWN KIND LET ALONE SOMEONE ELSES!!!!!!!!! THEREFORE, I WILL NO LONGER BE NICE ABOUT THIS SUBJECT BETWEEN US AND YOU!!! GET OFF THIS PAGE!!! YOU DON’T BELOND HERE!

  18. Maddie says:

    Way 2 go!! You tell ‘im!!
    I also have something 2 say on this matter….. I DID NOT SAY, NOR DO I BELIVE, THAT I AM A VAP!! SO IF U WERE REFURING 2 ME WHEN U SAID: if you cannot see the truth i have bestowed apon you then you cant be vampire or evan have a life because you say you are vampires and think you are when you have a scary dream why would you wast your time on the computer, THEN BUG OFF!!

  19. Thank you Maddie 🙂 So now I’m really going to put it into plain words so you can understand me….FUCK OFF!

  20. alexis101 says:

    look I know how hard it can be for some vamps but listen to us its our lives and u have 2 belivie un urselfs its the only way and its only 4 of us who want 2 b changed I think but please help them I’m going 2 want 2 change in 3 years but help them and ill keep in touch

Leave a Reply