How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
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Unknown, I agree with your opinions and or facts. But as you point out these things, others will enrage and most likely not listen to you. I am sorry if you are displeased in any way.
Vincilia, I can tell you Are fairly populaur here, tell me do you know what it means to be a vampire? Do you know what comes with the sense of supiority? The constant need to drain every living thing on the planet of energy? If so would you kindly send me a message through my e-mail address. I’m not displeased as much as I don’t understand why all of these people want to become vampires. Vampires arent Immortal, there is no such thing as an Immortal. I am aware that Ppl will be angry but the truth hurts.
I am well aware of your wisdom. I am usually busy my friend, but I will reply with an e-mail as soon as possible.
I hope all is well.
Recently I have aquired imformation on which I would like to share with the rest of you. Feel free to ask of this from me.
Cheers for the info mate. Im going to bookmark your page in Technorati if thats okay…
If your speaking with me then yes, it is fine.
Recently, to everyone, I do not wish to be rude, but explain why all of you that are not unhuman wish to be a vampire?
im a vampire my friend s is half vampire 51% and werewolf 49% im all vampire
Uhm…hello everyone. How has my fellow friends been? Insertnamehere-how are you?
hey everyone! i haven’t been on in a while because i guess my teachers assume that i have no life so they gave me a bunch of homework. other than that, i am just peachy. how are you, vincilia? i just read your poem from march 7th. i like the way you use the language, it flows.
I was looking for hair style related products this was good
Insertnamehere, I am well my friend and thank you for your comment on my poetry.
vincilia delmorsal i admire your writing ability!
todays my birthday!! yay im turning eleven!…in human years….
yo yo yo i rock ima werewolf u all suck!!!!!!!!!
all of u are sikopathz dat r dum
@bob the slayer
shut up if u dont got nice to say we dont wanna hear it.
o n ps u cnt spll dipwadd
at lst i captlze my nm!
hahose da didpwasd nw?!
Notice how I have not preached who I am or for that matter what I am?
Also, Bob, I suggest you be kind to others who have not done harm towards you and Esme thank you for your compliment. Try not speak with Bob if he upsets you, otherwise you are just having a pointless arguement.
All opinions are not meant to be opposed, but rather meant to be listened to. If Bob has negative opinions, do not be rude and deny him that he is wrong, simply ignore or state your own opinion and perhaps come to a comprimise. If anyone wishes to speak privately, than e-mail me and I may give you my number depending on a few circumstances. (Moonlighter_56@yahoo.com)
f u all vamiper slayer u stupid low lifes sluts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
………ya’ll got such a NICE vocab!!
hows life??
I finally decided im gonna try my best at school n go 2 a cool boarding school. Theres this 1 that lets u study in different countries evry yr!!…..the main reason i wnt 2 go 2 a boarding schll is 2 c if they really suck…
wat do all ya’ll wnt 2 b?? I wnt 2 b a writer, actress, singer, artist, chef, food critic, sme1 who travles the world………thats bout it fr now:)
I think id b cool 2 hang wit wolves, deer, bears, foxs ect. all day….my mom didnt hve any friends so she playd hide n go seek wit the dear n birds….n they playd wit hr 2!! So i lkd to tease hr n call hr snow white 🙂
wow……that was random
i want to work in law enforcement because most jobs in law enforcement never do the same tedious task every day. every day there is something different to do, and that is how you make life interesting. thats cool that you want to go to a boarding school, maddie. there is this one boarding school in my area called IMSA (Illinois math and science academy) and apparently the education is really nice, but the students there are just a bunch of stuck up little brats. i have a friend who went there but she left because the work was too much, and her roommates sucked. anyway today (or i should say, yesterday as of 11 minutes ago) was april fools day! did any of you pull any pranks?