How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
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lol thats sounds…..interesting, but im REALLY not that good at math…but I do lke science….and uve got got 2 expect stuck up brats, its 1 of the very many places u can find them..lol jk……..kinda
anywho, i think its cool that u want 2 b that!!! …… i think ill add that 2 my list lol.
no i didnt pull any pranks…….partly cuse i found out it was apl. fools day…on apl. fools day, ive been really spacy l8ly, that n its lke my mom is my tellin me…..’its bad to b mean to people, you wouldnt want that happening to you. Would you??’ lol
@Vinicila Delmorsal
do you ahve a website that we can go to so we can see you poems? i want to see more
Esme, I do have a few websites on vampirefreaks.com
Otherwise if you wish to see more, than I will greatly post some for you.
Hello, everyone.
How are all my friends?
Thank you Vincilia! I will check out the site! and posts of some of your favorites would be greatly appreciated! Thanks Again! (P.S. I finally capitalized things. 1st grade grammar 101.) 😀
hello Vincilia! I checked out vampire freaks.com, and was wondering what your username was. Also, If you could refer me to any cool cults.
My username is –Esme–
Avidazi,
Esme
um…sorry. didnt mean to offend anyone. sorry esme and vincilla and anyone else.
good advice by the way, vincilia. anyway, i was wrong to say that. so sorry.
I accept your apology, Bob. Also I wil post a few poems soon my friends. Esme, I will greatly accept you on Vampirefreaks.
Yay! thank you!
its ok bob. (:
sup sup?
hey everyone i just started reading this book written by Rene Descartes called, “The Meditations on First Philosophy.” my Western civilization teacher recommended it, so i’m going to take him up on his recommendation.
You kno wat i found out?? I a-b-s-o-l-o-l-u-t-l-y LUV!!!! Physics!!! idk why but its fun^^
i also really luv science….but i REALLY hate math lol 🙂
wats “The Meditations on First Philosophy” bout??
hows evry1s life?? Im additionin fr a play in my home town on sat. (not that u need 2 kno that) but im REALLY excited!! soooo wish me luck^^
Fatal Image
I see her eyes reflected back at me in thy own image.
I see no mirage, nothing unfinished.
Every detail and every tear.
Is this really me or not, I fear.
I can feel the coolness given off of herself.
She is small, she laughed, just like an elf.
She is someone who seems like me.
Who was I and where will I be?
Is this truly thy self?
No mythical lie, no small elf?
She laughed again.
But, I felt it begin.
This is me and no longer she.
For now I see, this will be forever me.
P.s Esme I hope you enjot that poem.
I usually do not post my number on websites, but if anyone wishes to contact me, then please do. 865-454-7327
“Meditations on First Philosophy,” is about the existance of God and the human soul, how both exist and everyone has access to the truth but most dont know about it, and other stuff. i just finished the 3rd page (its a heavy read) and thats what its about so far.
while im here, and since none of you really know me so it doesnt matter, i am super angry at my smelly, angsty 13 year old brother. he was born with a birth defect that messed up his bladder nerves so he cant feel when he has to go so he wears a diaper. thats not what bothers me. what bothers me is that he will wear a stinky diaper all day and not change it, then go in my room and make my room smell like piss. oh and he hates showers so that makes it worse. i just got in a huge fight with him and my mom who took his side (she always does because he is the only boy, hes the youngest, and my mom feels guilty about his problem) yelled at me since im being paranoid even though the awful scent is lingering in my room. then my mom was being…herself and said some awful things. this all just happened about…6.5 minutes ago so im pretty angry and felt like venting and plotting a plan. k bye
@Vincilia Delmorsal
Amazing! Inspiring! you had me questioning my own being! cant wait for more! 😀
=D
(P.S., Mabye I should post some of my poems and stories and stuff on here….)
hmmmmm….
Thank you dearly, Esme. I would love to read your poems and such.
I ask everyone to please read below and comment if you wish.
Hello to every reader,
This is meant to be a letter to those whom read this and can handle the mind torturing things that leave you uncertain and that points you in many questions from what seemed like a rational answers. Not many people have the ability to handle this confusion and uncertainty. Some have even committed suicide, because they could not handle the questions and answers that seem to come non-stop. Before you read on consider the fact that you may very well not be able to handle it either.
I am going to start with basic information and wisdom that I have gathered over my sixteen years of existence. Has anyone ever told you, perhaps from a religious view, that you were born innocent? Well, if not than it may be harder for you to grasp that it is not true. What is innocence? Well the dictionary claims it to be; the state of not being guilty of a crime or offense and harmlessness in intention. You see, these are just words in a book, so yes they can be very meaningless. Innocence doesn’t really exist or does it? This would be an example of one of many questions that seem hard to answer. Well perhaps it is not hard, but rather…the fact of wanting to be right is frustrating part. Innocence… well let me prove my reasoning with another piece of wisdom that will support why I said it didn’t exist. Everyone has opinions and in that we learn that opinions are not facts. So therefore how can we say what innocence is if we all have a different opinion on its meaning? You see everyone is wrong and right.
In this world your name is who you are, correct? It is how someone knows you, correct? No, your name is but that, only a name. It is not who you are. I do believe to know who we are we use all the small delicate details of what we are inside. Though, others simply think, well why isn’t my name not a apart of who I am? Because, can your name be defined? Hmm…for example; Rachel or Christopher…who are they, what if someone had the same name? You see your name is not a part of who you are, but it is a label. Also, speaking of labels, could we possibly go a day without labeling anything or anyone? No, it is not possible, though everyone, including that of religious beliefs, is that anything is possible. (will continue when finished)
…..Cool
I have an problem thats been buggin me for……years
I used 2 have a step Dad. I called him Papa, because it would b weird if i called him dad, and called my dad dad…so it was just easyer.
My mom had me when she was 19. My REAL dad offered my mom 2 come n live with him. so they could both take care of me….My dad’s parents drove across the state just 2 tell me dad he could not have my mom live wit him……so my dad called my mom and said his parents would not alow him 2 live with my mom….so after my mom cancled her colage scholor-ship, she finds out she has no place 2 go, AND a baby.
soon after my mom and papa decide it would be best if they got married. 2 years l8r they had my Bro james (james is my bro and best friend)
Papa, thought wat ever we did was wrong….so for punishment, he would wip us, throw us across the room, and make us do wat ever we did wrong over again. till we got it right.
One night he hit my mom when she wouldnt turn the channel…that was her braking point….she devorced him
5 years l8r, their married….again….1 year l8r they have my little bro (hes such a sweet heart)
Papa dosnt think hes wrong….no matter wat…I have always had horable night-mares….of people being ripped apart, the smell of rotting flesh, and someone trying 2 kill me….on top of that, i had 2 hide under the covers whenever papa came into the room, so i wouldnt have 2 witness him beating me bros.
i broke my arm when i was six, he didnt belive it was broken but my mom took me 2 the hospital anyways…..When they found out it was broken, he just said ‘Its probably because shes so fragile’
I was grounded when i didnt do the dishes the right way…..I was beat if i talked back…….I always had 2 tell him where I was, and my EXACT schedule…..He didnt have any respect for woman, and once touched me inappropriately……..Finnaly, just last year, my mom devorced him for the last time!!
My dad…..he never wanted anything 2 do wit me when i was little…..Now all he wants is 2 spend every second of the day with me…….One time i was really sick when i was at his house, and he was at work…so i txt my mom and ask for this really cool tea that gets ride of sore throat like that!!(imaganary snap)
So when my dad gets back from work, and asks bout my day, i tell him that i doin better cues i ask my mom for her special tea….he goes balistek!! yellin @ me n tellin me the nxt time i was feelin sick n @ his house i was supposed 2 call HIM…NOT my mom
I’ve never had a good friend….my friends were always the peeps who hung out wit me….made fun of me….took advantage of me…. and never ivited me aywhere
My life in a nut shell
Maddie, I understand in many ways what you have been through and currently going through. The people you think are your friends turn out to never be your friend at all, though in opinion, everyone has a certain thought on what a friend is, but as for me I will greatly help you in any way I can. If you need advice or someone to speak with I will be here.
As for your situation…-sighs- you may have heard “things will get better” or “pray to this god and he will make it all go away.” Never believe that. You control your life in so many ways, you just have to figure out your own path.
if you guys are still looking for answers i might be able to help a little… no guarantee that ill have all the answers your looking for but i might be a little help. mole929@gmail.com i check almost everyday sorry for the large gap in posting i have been busy helping others