How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
Related posts :
Subscribe via RSS
Get Updates by Email
Hey maddie, it breaks my heart to hear your story. I don’t know if you believe in karma, but maybe you should think about it the next time something bad happens to you by someone who is a complete jerkface (I do and it helps a bit).
I understand what you mean about the friend thing. I have never had a real friend either, and I’m always the third wheel. So I kind of get you on that part.
Vincilia Delmorsal, I was a bit surprised to hear that you were 16. I don’t judge on age (I’m 16 myself) but I always thought from reading your posts that you were older, like 30-40. Especially with your poetry, you must have a very advanced and mature mind!
“Insertnamehere”, I understand your accusation of my age, but most make the same thought. Indeed, I have a well developed mind. I thank you greatly for that acknowledgment. My age and image deprives me of who I am in many ways, my friend. Ah, it is wonderful to hear from you again. How have you been?
Maddie, I feel bad that all that crap happened to you. You seem nice and deserve a better life. I would like to help you in any way i can! I would be a true friend if you needed me. Also, I know how you feel. bad things happen to good people. but, i will still stand by you if you need someone.
Smile! 😀 ,
Esme
A poem i wrote. hope you like it.
Fear
Fear taste like tense, rotting air.
it looks like a lone figure lying motionless on the ground.
it smells like rusty, salty blood.
it sounds like an agonized scream.
Fear feels like your heart has stopped.
~E.L.
I liked your poem Esme.
I’m doing just peachy, thanks for asking Vincilia. I’m supposed to be at school right now, but I had a killer stomachache when I woke up this morning so I’ve just been watching Dr. Phil :). Anything new with you?
You are very welcome “insertnamehere”. And no there isn’t much new for me, but thank you for asking.
wow, thanx evry1!!
Ive been able 2 hold it out on my own. so i think ill b fine, thanx again^^
hey ive got a Q. Dose any1 here have trouble sleepin?? i do, and the doc. said it would help me sleep if i got up and move around, or read a book.
and ive tryed that, but it only gives me even more sleepless nights. I wouldnt mind so much if i didnt have school 5 days a week. on the weekeds i dnt get 2 sleep in, cuse of my mom wakin me up @ 10:00, or my bros screamin nxt to my bedroom wall.
so any advice??
You are welcome Maddie.
My advice is simple, try using your thought process to help you sleep. Meaning, we generate the idea to breathe by telling ourselves sub-conciously to do so, perhaps you could some what you that same method to help you sleep. I often cannot sleep, but I perfer it that way. I usually don’t suggest medication, but you could try sleeping pills. I hope I was of some help.
hey maddie. if you have problems sleeping, maybe you should try to take some sleeping pills like what vincilia said (but you should try to avoid taking medication unless you absolutely cant sleep) or just some plain benadryl. i had a bad stomach ache a couple of days ago and had a hard time sleeping so i took a benadryl and it knocked me right out. i slept so well…
I have written a new poem, though sadly it was written out of anger.
Ah, green, oh happy color,
Seen through thine eyes.
Eyes of eyes decieve?
Oh dear, how can this be?
Accusations are only made,
Such fools they have became.
Look, see, see only blue,
Oh sorrow filled color!
Such fools are wise!
Now let them see with their minds,
Forget, oh forget, thy eyes.
My soul has grown tainted,
Now can you see?
See you fools!
P.S.
I hope someone enjoyed this poem, no matter its insignificance.
Hello my dear friends.
How has everyone been and if anyone wishes to speak with me privately I will greatly do so. Thank you for keeping this web-site a bit more stable, my friends.
Wow i havent posted in a long time! well, sorry 4 the gap, and Vincilia, your anger poem is filled with genuine emotion, and thats what true poetry is all about.
I too, have an anger poem:
Hatered burning in my eyes,
Cold Blackness, in my heart,
Fists clenching, and unclenching,
All i can do, but scream with rage,
Take me away, from this life!
Before it gets my soul,
and turns it black, like all the rest.
okay, heres an abandoned poem:
Alone,forgotten, left to die,
Here i sit, here i ly,
no one care, i was tossed aside.
The pain, oh the pain, like im dying inside.
It consumes me, makes me, is me.
Fills in the tears i can no longer cry,
But it cant stop the emptiness.
The pain, Oh the pain, it hurts me inside.
Like hot butter to sharpened knives.
Cuts my soul to ribbons,
Then tosses it aside.
I was so naive!
Thinking they would come back…
But i know the truth:
They never,ever will, and thats a fact.
I am abandoned, forgotten, left to die,
And, Forevermore,
Here i will sit, Here i will ly.
~E.L.
I enjoyed reading your poems Esme, but try rechecking your spelling. Sadly, that irritates me. I hope all is well my friend.
Good poem i like it. Reminds me of when i was in hard times…
Hehe, sorry Vincilia. typing fast gives me numerous errors. (And i cant spell worth a darn any way,) And, Thank you Dhampir
Hoping it’s all good with you Guys too!
It is alright, Esme. Also, Dhampir and Esme, how are you?
Seems like so many people are busy these days…amazing how I find time for almost everything.
I hope all is well with everyone, but please do speak with me if we haven’t already. I enjoy meeting…others.
How is everybody?
Vincilia, I’ve been okay….but something’s been worrying me:
I watched a movie about DNA splicing, and the creation broke out of its test tube, went Ape-Crazy and killed everyone! I know I’m being a baby, but I’m just afraid that modern science could acually do that!
Haven’t slept good for a week (Thanks for letting me watch that movie sis,)and keep torturing myself in my head about it. Any ideas to put my mind at ease?