How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) ๐
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….I”m so bored. wats with da mane, vinicila??? its weird!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did the last comment: i ment to say name, and esme, youre weird no oone carz if ur freakd i say suffer! all of you are stupid for putting your feelings on here anyway!!! vinny or watevr the hel ur name is, ur so picky and uppity its stupid and so are you! ur a 40yr old man with no life!
>:P u all make me sick! Talk to me and see if i care!
Esme, modern science is simply uncertain. No, I do not have anything that could put your mind at ease, I myself think of things much more complex and probably frightening to you.
842- My name is whatever you wish it to be, but I will point out that you claim others are “stupid” for typing their feelings on this web page…but as I see it you are very well doing the same. Also, if you do not care then why bother expressing the fact that you don’t or for that matter even representing yourself on this page? You’re horribly contradicitng yourself. May your eyes continue to be blind as well as your intelligence. Suffer as you have wish upon many others, but voice your opinion for I cannot deny you that.
Hey everyone! I found a way to make myself feel better, Vincilia:
learn more about it!
As it turns out, DNA slpicing is very possible; it has acually been done!
Yet, they are only test tube or microscopic things, but they still are there! I will continue learning about this!
As for that movie, it was called “a disgrace to modern science and everything it has worked for!”
Also, i want to hear your theories and other complex thinkings, Vincilia. (I promise I wont get scared!) ๐
how is everybody? I am muy muy exelente! very very exelent! ๐
Hi again!
okay, “says” or whatever your name is, vincilia is not a stupid name, she has a good point and i agree with it 100%. Speak with me if you so wish, and
“see if i care!” *triumphantly smiles* Ha!
Okay, back to buisness….
oh! and i forgot to say this in my last post:
Vincilia? do you have a facebook profile? (I do!)
And how do you spell exelent?!? 2 Ls i think.. exellent…yeah thats it! Never mind then!
hey if anyone here is a vampire willing to change me then msg me pleasee..i really need to become one
Esme, Yes I do have a facebook profile. I usually keep my name unknown to some. So if you wish to add me, type in Damula Advefret and look for the woman with spiked hair and almost more boyish. Also, I do not wish to expose my horrid thoughts, but perhaps if we chat more often you may get a glimpse of them.
Destiny, I do not wish to be rude, but usually when humans ask this question it is truly pointless to some degree.
Hey you guys sorry that i havent been here in a while. i liked all of your poems (even though they were from a month ago i just read them now) especially because im in an angry mood (stupid stepdad). anyway, what is up?
Hello, “insertnamehere”, what has your step-father done to make you angry, dear? Also, thank you, and I am glad you enjoyed me and Esme’s poetry.
okay i sent you a friendd request, vincilia, and whatdid ur stepdada do, ibnsertnamehere?
Thank you my dear friend.
Vilcilia i sent u a friends req on facebook
and i have been doing good mostly working…
and yes Esme it is possible for dna splicing to happen but nothing like will happen anytime soon we dont have the tech to create that sophisticated of an organism…yet
oh, my stepdad is just being his sadistic self again. He likes taking away the things i love for small reasons (recently he told me that i couldn’t go to my martial arts class because i told him to be quiet after he insulted my dad, told me that i have no friends bc no one likes me, and said some mean things about me personally. i’m being punished for telling him to be quiet while he can say whatever he wants?) and he loves picking fights with me so that he can use those fights to take away the things i love. he also likes ruining my future bc he knows that i do extremely well in school and im involved in many clubs (bc nowadays getting good grades isnt good enough for college, you have to be involved). so he likes taking my clubs away and telling my mom to not let me stay after school to get help from teachers whenever i dont understand something.
ugh sorry that this is so much it just feels good to vent
Well, insertnamehere, I’m disliking your stepdad more and more by the second! But, once you can move out, he cant control everything (just a thought)
And, I have a problem too… I keep passing out, and the docs say theres nothing wrong with me, just that i still have a heart murmur but its so small that it isnt the cause of me passing out! And, some theories i have are that when i get exited or get thinking about something a lot, i forget to breathe. Also, that when i hear about somehting, i think about it so deeply that i freak myself out. (I hear smart ppl passed out, like Einstein, but im not overly smart….) so, idk what’s wrong with me. Any ideas?
Such sad things are said here…and thank you Dhampir. I hope you typed in the right name of Damula Advefret?
hey esme, how often do you pass out and when? i was just wondering because i have a friend who passes out every time she exercises kind of hard. does that happen with you?
i passed out once while fasting and taking my blood for bloodwork, once when i was in science class, and once when i was getting my hair dyed. I have taken karate for 3 years now, and never once felt dizzy while doing it. It doesnt make any sense!!! What do these have in common? Why am i doing this? Will i die from this? I hate how pessimistic i’ve gotten, but i need answers! I hope im not a lost cause… ๐
Hey everyone, I havent posted on this site in a year :/
I have news that is somewhat bad, but there is also some good…
I have told a couple friends of my “condition” that of which is being a Vampire.
One friend told her friend because she thinks that im psycho, but she doesn’t understand me, at all.
I haven’t talked to her for a little while, but im starting to forgive her, the girl at my highschool that I love doesn’t even know (thankfully)
My friends still accept me and I have told them how I am attracted to wrists and neck, and ever since I had tasted my best friends blood I have a harder time sleeping, worse then usual.
My hunger for blood has worsened, I used to just think of bitting someone, it was a kind of “interest” now I actually become drawn to it, and it’s kinda annoying.
The other night I was in the east end of town with my friends because we were pulling an all nighter, and my friend Christina’s BF cut himself on the school wall that we were climbing, and he was comstantly talking about getting bitten by “vampire misquito’s” and he put his arm in my face, and as I angrily grab his arm and force it away, my friend Jade and Christina are laughing because they know I want to bite him and they thought that it was funny.
So the whole night that I was trying to control myself, he kept talking about his cut the entire night, at first I thought that it was because he knew…
but Christina and Jade were laughing the whole time he was saying Vampire, so I came to the conclusion that he thought he was funny.
Anyway, every one got tired and went home, but since the city busses only ran till 12:00, I was stranded in the east end, which was a far walk from the west end where I lived.
So, I “slept” over at Christina’s BF’s house, and had to sneek out at 6:30 in the morning, I only slept for 2 and a half hours, but once I got home at atleaset 8:30 in the morning, I slept till 6:00, then got up and watched some Family Guy.
Now back to the friend who told her friend about my “condition”.
I bearly talked to her, so the moral of my story I have just written is “Trust thoughs only closest”
I have a poem, I actually have alot.
This is one of them, and it is called “You’re moon shine”
The moon light glids over you’re radious face, as the moon fades away darkness fills this place.
The only light I know of follows you’re feet, as the darkness flows over mine.
In one life or another, I must have known you, because when I hear you’re voice, it is only happines that I show you.
The hatred and anger always crawls toward me, but when you look my way, its as if you adore me.
As darkness falls I shall see you’re set, as you stand I shall be blinded by light that has once been met.
Again I will know of you’re existance, as do I know of my love for you.
As I keep my pase while walking through the ally, I shall think of you as my words spler out sadly.
Only in you’re shine shall I be happy, for when im in darkness, I seem quite sappy.
Not only will my wish not come true, but I can’t beleive I still love you.
I need a guid to escape this fright, for I am not alright.
My love for you keeps me alive, its like a pool where I take a dive, because forever more my love for you will strive.
Slowly…
thoughts changing like the winter seasons, freezing me up for unknown reasons.
The pain seers through my head, so much that soon i’ll be dead.
My mind is slowly slipping away, unlike my child hood where I run and play, slowly I try to throw these emotions away.
The infection speads all through my head, slowly becoming the thing you all dread.
The only thing I have is how I so dearly hate, me, myself and I, are slowly starting to cry.