How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
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Ooops! Sorry, Vincilia! My Sources (aka my sister) had misinformation! NOW, I agree with insertnamehere and Vincilia. Hm….. for once in my life i cant think of what else to say………
No need for apologies dear.
i read something that was slightly disconcerting on yahoo today. yahoo said that the middle class is shrinking. what if this leads to social tension (where i live, there are people from all the social classes. some of my friends are on welfare and some of them live very well. but when i travel to other places i notice the gap between the rich and the poor). I just brought this up because I just read that on yahoo.
i hope that no social tension comes to this. mabye yahoo had its info wrong? (its possible,) but, why is the middle class shrinking? are people getting richer or poorer? do people save money or spend it so much that they are in debt?
just somethings to think about……
the middle class is shrinking because some people are getting richer, some poorer, and leaving less in the middle. i dont know, maybe yahoo was wrong. but it was also mentioned on the time magazine website.
Hello everyone, I see that insertnamehere and Esme have deep thoughts on this world and what is happening to it. You should not dwell on these things so much my dears. Yes, the middle class is shrinking, but in many ways everything is.
Thanks for making such a cool project. I’ve been checking the website for the Windows version, yet somehow I never left a comment about it. I appreciate you are working hard and therefore doing it targeted free so you shouldn’t feel rushed or anything.
i am a vampire
Hi Some good thought provoking content on here. Good work.
…hmmm, i haven’t said anything is months!! Well everyone’s been talkin bout dreams….so heres something to chew on. Almost all my dreams come true.
maddie, what do you mean almost all of your dreams come true? you have predicted things before?
i havent talked in a while either because im so busy at school. i hope that this blog isnt dying… 🙁
anywho, i am looking forward to columbus day (aka indigenous genocide day, the day that started the death of millions of people) because i really need a 3 day weekend.
how are yall?
Well, lets say i dreamed my friend kissin this guy who had just moved to our school. next thing I know, shes dating the dude!
another example is when i dreamed a hotel blew up and all the people died, then an earthquake messes up Hatti (a place one of my friends waz from)
Hello everyone, I apologize not being on in quite some time now. How is everyone?
Wow! so much has happened to me since my last post! (which was wayy too long ago!) How is everyone? Vincilia? insertnamehere? anyone else?
Oh my wonderful friend Esme. I am doing well dear, yourself?
Maddie, i wish some of my dreams came true… Once i dreamt i was dating my dream guy, and the next day he starts dating desperate Dora, AKA velcro. *Sigh*
Vincilia, I’m doing most well. My math grade is an A minus (Woo!) and my friend had her 1st child, Blake, about a month ago. Sadly, my cat, Magglio, ran away, :'(
Ah I see. My apologies about your cat little one. Blake…hmmm…such a common name but still lovely.
Being a vampire would be pretty cool but God didn’t create us to transform us something were not but don’t stop getting information about turning to a vampire but i wouldn’t suggest turning to a vampire if you’re under 12 it might be really dangerous you don’t want like a 7 year old going around biting the living hell out… but you should really think about this you’re putting everyone you love in danger…..
Okay! Justin Bieber: Love, Hate, or don’t really care?