How To Become a Vampire
I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.
It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.
Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)
“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com
To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).
Night Vision
Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.
The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.
Dark and Mysterious
The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.
As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *
Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.
Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.
Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉
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eeerh.. Vampire lover i just emailed you… Talk to me about it. jess is talking crap!
if there is anybody out there that can help me become a vampire here is my email address: crab_walk23@hotmail.com. i am a 13 year old boy and i thurst for blood i just need someone to help me turn into a vampire plzz anyone add me to msn that can help me.
hey,tellmesomthing if you turn a 12 year old then why not 14 year old. i know what i gain and i loose. i’m willing to take that risk. if you cam email me at shelby.kristine.jones@gmail.com then that would be great.
thanks bunches,
shelby kristine jones
tellmesomething, i didnt get ur message yet but im waiting 4 it. and how old are you vampire-wise?
Who is the akara.
I need the man willing to give me blood.
Blood isn’t thee decore,
Tellmesomething, were are you based.
I’ll send you thee email upon my basent of being a akara.
Im a murderer to the man, Please forgive me if i took you’re family.
Rats i have turned they are desructed towards death to the akara.
1765 i roamed the streets of brússel.Searching for the pesants blood which in decades has to become.
War apprehended in 1901-1914. Took lives of akara, ruining the ancient scroll of being a akara.
Who be a akara contact me as im in need of a friend to viet the 16 deathlore of saiton.
Do not choose to be akara as a loss in you’re familys life. watching you’re familys die in devistation is uprehended by the akara.
I lived 250years of soul torcher, killing soul’s of the innocent.
killing young men mortals.
All i ask of you is to not be a akara as it can ruin the akaraution Life’s.
I ask a question to all soul holders and mortals,
why do you choose to be a Akarhian?
tellmesomething what is your email, for i have yet to recieve your message. if you give me your email, i can write you,and you could just reply. please somebody BITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Charles Huntifff,
I know you probally think im an idiot, but what is a Akarhian? is it the same thing as a vampire? also what age are you frozen in? I am considering your offer too.
Kelly in the frozen forests
hey charles, will you do me the bigest favor ever. i know everything i need to know about being a vampire. i know what i gain and loose. loosing a cetenthing is what i’m looking forward to. please i ask you to do me this one favor. ain does not efect my human body. so let it be painful i really don’t care. this is th one thing i want.
thanks bunches, shelby kristine jones
Doubt me as you can, i am not the key holder to life.
I am not a servant to god.
I have not yet clued the key to life. if i was to know the key i would be able to group some akarhians to help me by my side.
Unfortunatly i have no idea on how to make man a akarhian!
Yes akarhian is meant by the word vampire. as it is our symbol to destruction of life.
charles, can you turn me? i know what i will gain and lose. this is what i want. i want this more than anything. i want to be a vampire!!!! i have a weird obsession with being a creature of darkness. please, please,please help me accomplish the thing that i desire the most. i want to be a vampire!!!!!!!!
Stop deterinating these questions at me as i can not make man immortal. if i were to i would be, but i do not know how to!
someone if you can change me contact me at starla.taylor31@yahoo.com
ok, any body i dont care who you are, i know what i need to know about vampires. all i’m asking is for one of you people to change me. obvisly none of ya’ll are real vampires, i say this because none of you have the gut to change mo or anybody ealse for that madder. email me at shelby.kristine.jones@gmail.com
shelby
how do you require this medication?
Your a insult to us all.
Akara existents is for us to see and not you to know.
Your attitude is durating my patience.
Why thee want to be a akara tell me now?
Charles. Yes i am an Akarian. I am a vampire who needs about a cup of blood every 3 weeks. I don’t live forever. I age. Whoever wants to become one of me email me at.
cripleader@hotmail.com
I will be your friend Charles.
email me.
I can meet you?
anywere depending on where you live… we can share our eternal souls together!!
Yes very true. I live in australia. I am 12 years old. Please. I need a friend of my own kind!
I am tired of being with humans!
Answer quickly.