Unconventional Ways to Lose Weight
For the Christmas day, here’s a short and whimsical list of weird ways to lose some weight (mostly for guys though) 
Watch More Porn
The procreation instinct can be one hell of a motivator. Watching porn will remind you that if only you exercised more you might actually get laid one day. This will give you emotion-based motivation, which is known to be stronger than purely intellectual decisions.
For more consistent results, you might consider covering the walls of your training room with erotic posters.
Embrace Evil
It’s a philosophy thing. If you become obese and you don’t like it, you are a victim. This would be utterly unacceptable for true evil badass, as your favorite pastime should be other people victims. On a more practical note, the evil lifestyle itself can be quite conducive to staying thin - carrying sacks of stolen money, lugging around bazooka’s and running from the police all provide the much-needed exercise and can integrate effortlessly into your daily routine.
Oh, and there’s also that “coolness factor” of being evil…
Learn Historical Swordplay
One reason why many people fail to exercise daily is because it’s just so damn boring. Historical fencing is a not-at-all-nerdy alternative that can be very engaging due to it’s competitive and skill-based nature. And no, it’s not all about prancing around with a pink dildo “sword” in a horrid parody of a LARP. Rather, think martial arts.
While historical swordplay isn’t terribly useful in the modern world - except for the physical exercise, improved reflexes, agility, tactical thinking and a legitimate use for swords - … oh, right. And there’s that “coolness factor” again.
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December 29th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Well, personally I prefer my latex swords to the round boffer swords/clubs, but I provide them because certain games only allow that type of weapon.
I DO heartily endorse actually learning swordplay as a great way to lose weight! And if you want to beat on someone without fear of hurting them, or getting hurt? Well, a foam weapon’s almost just as good a workout.
December 30th, 2007 at 12:19 am
Hey Jeremiah,
As you can probably tell, this post was intended to be mostly humorous. I’ve got nothing against “safe” weapons - in fact, I have the hilt of a homemade two-hander (foam/wood/duct tape) laying right here in this room (in a box).
Still, I find the red/pink color and club-like shape of those things unappealing. IMHO even a boffer should at the very least try to look like a sword. The latex sword looks pretty good in this regard.
What is more, a sword that is too “safe” is not suited for actual training, because if a hit isn’t unpleasant at all, there is very little motivation to learn to avoid them.
By the way, I might have got the terminology wrong - what I call a good “boffer” could actually have a different name in English. I’m not a native speaker.
December 30th, 2007 at 1:20 am
Oh, don’t worry, I’m not offended at all. I actually agree with everything you’ve said here! I too find the red unappealing, but in many games, the color of the weapon is somehow symbolic of its abilities. Like I said, I offer what the public asks of me.
I just hope you understand that I couldn’t let it slide without pointing out at least one other, nicer, product that I offer.
I like your blog very much, and had a really good laugh at seeing that particular reference.
December 30th, 2007 at 3:36 am
It’s fine
January 7th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
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