Unconventional Ways to Lose Weight
For the Christmas day, here’s a short and whimsical list of weird ways to lose some weight (mostly for guys though) 🙂
Watch More Porn
The procreation instinct can be one hell of a motivator. Watching porn will remind you that if only you exercised more you might actually get laid one day. This will give you emotion-based motivation, which is known to be stronger than purely intellectual decisions.
For more consistent results, you might consider covering the walls of your training room with erotic posters.
Embrace Evil
It’s a philosophy thing. If you become obese and you don’t like it, you are a victim. This would be utterly unacceptable for true evil badass, as your favorite pastime should be other people victims. On a more practical note, the evil lifestyle itself can be quite conducive to staying thin – carrying sacks of stolen money, lugging around bazooka’s and running from the police all provide the much-needed exercise and can integrate effortlessly into your daily routine.
Oh, and there’s also that “coolness factor” of being evil…
Learn Historical Swordplay
One reason why many people fail to exercise daily is because it’s just so damn boring. Historical fencing is a not-at-all-nerdy alternative that can be very engaging due to it’s competitive and skill-based nature. And no, it’s not all about prancing around with a pink dildo “sword” in a horrid parody of a LARP. Rather, think martial arts.
While historical swordplay isn’t terribly useful in the modern world – except for the physical exercise, improved reflexes, agility, tactical thinking and a legitimate use for swords – … oh, right. And there’s that “coolness factor” again.
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Well, personally I prefer my latex swords to the round boffer swords/clubs, but I provide them because certain games only allow that type of weapon.
I DO heartily endorse actually learning swordplay as a great way to lose weight! And if you want to beat on someone without fear of hurting them, or getting hurt? Well, a foam weapon’s almost just as good a workout.
Hey Jeremiah,
As you can probably tell, this post was intended to be mostly humorous. I’ve got nothing against “safe” weapons – in fact, I have the hilt of a homemade two-hander (foam/wood/duct tape) laying right here in this room (in a box).
Still, I find the red/pink color and club-like shape of those things unappealing. IMHO even a boffer should at the very least try to look like a sword. The latex sword looks pretty good in this regard.
What is more, a sword that is too “safe” is not suited for actual training, because if a hit isn’t unpleasant at all, there is very little motivation to learn to avoid them.
By the way, I might have got the terminology wrong – what I call a good “boffer” could actually have a different name in English. I’m not a native speaker.
Oh, don’t worry, I’m not offended at all. I actually agree with everything you’ve said here! I too find the red unappealing, but in many games, the color of the weapon is somehow symbolic of its abilities. Like I said, I offer what the public asks of me.
I just hope you understand that I couldn’t let it slide without pointing out at least one other, nicer, product that I offer.
I like your blog very much, and had a really good laugh at seeing that particular reference.
It’s fine 🙂
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I have read both Burrough’s “The Master Cleanser” and Glickman’s “Have More Energy
I had been hearing about this “Lemonade Diet” for several months, mostly because of things said in passing by people on TV and in magazines. I was in a really bad place with my diet and exercise program. After 10 years of really rigorous working out I was sick of it all. I over exercised to overcompensate for how much I ate so I was able to maintain my weight and health through excerise alone and never really learned to eat properly. Well, when all that exercise began to take a toll on my joints I decided it was time to make a change, I’ve always heard your diet should be 80-90% of your health focus. Problem was I was so confused and so apathetic about changing anything in my life I needed a DRAMATIC change to kick start me. Thus I researched cleanses and decided on the Master Cleanse, mostly because it was cheap and easy ( I also looked at getaway cleanse retreats that would have cost thousands of dollars). And being at home with all my old vices really forced to me to take stock of the habits I had acquired with regard to food.
Do not kid yourself — this diet is not easy. It brought up a lot of things for me emotional and psychological with regard to food. I was able to remain on the minimally required 10 days but I know others that did not make it that far. It’ s a mental test more than anything else. Surprisingly, even after not eating for 10 days I was never physically hungry.
There is a lot more to the diet than just Lemonade so I STRONGLY recommend reading the book and not just listening to what you may have heard someone else say. The book is a really short read but packed full of information, but there is also the audio CD which only requires an hour.
In the end I heard most people gain back half the weight they lose, but I have not but I have also adopted a much healthier way of eating. The book worked for me, it gave me the kick start I needed! I wouldn’t recommend to everyone — for anyone eating the standard American diet this will definitely be beneficial but hard! A real character builder. But you know, I only lost 9 pounds and I’ve achieved better results with exercise and calorie restriction and without the mental stress. If you are going to do this it has to be for health not just weight loss or you won’t make it through. Good Luck!
I have done the Master Cleanse several times. I used the orginal “The Master Cleanse” before and the last 2 times I used Peter’s book “Lose Weight, Have More Energy
Great article. Continue to logging more super articles. There are lots ways to reduce fat. With the worsening economy people are seeking for many ways to slim down.