How To Become a Vampire

I was looking at some search stats and noticed that this question (how to become a vampire?) was more common than you might expect. Every day, nearly 100 people were looking for a way to join the ranks of the stylish undead. “An interesting topic for a little tutorial”, I thought. Hence this post.

It seems the jury’s still out on how, exactly, vampires are created. Some sources cite ancient beliefs (mostly useless superstition), some insist on the popular bitten-by-vampire myth, and some claim that you simply can’t “become” a vampire if you’ve been born human. Maybe there’s no single way. So, instead of focusing on any of the aforementioned approaches, I’ll describe three common vampiric features that you can attain without any supernatural help.

Hypnotism (AKA Mesmerism)

“True” vampires have it easy – some mind-control skills are supposedly included in the whole dark revenant package, along with good looks and sharp teeth. But don’t despair, … wait, no, despair is cool. Ahem. As I was saying, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming are well within the reach of mere mortals, so you are free to learn and use it – even if your heart is still beating. Head over to Google or Amazon.com and check out the numerous sites and books available. Just don’t fall for the “forbidden secrets revealed!!” shtick and you should be fine.

To get an (optimistic) idea of what you might achieve, take a look at Derren Brown. He’s done some very impressive things (videos).

Night Vision

Excellent low-light vision is something I’ve always wanted. You can improve your night vision by using a few tricks, and science might eventually figure something out.

The most promising idea I discovered is NightWalking. The website has a heavy slant towards philosophy/spirituality that reminds me vaguely of Carlos Castaneda, but it also contains a detailed guide on improving your peripheral vision. As you might already know, in a situation when there’s very little light, peripheral vision is much more effective than central vision. Better peripheral vision = better night vision, so this is definitely something worth trying.

Dark and Mysterious

The “dark” part won’t be a problem – just pick something from the wide range of goth stuff available. Maybe invest in coloured contact lenses and/or appropriate makeup.

As for being mysterious, well… * nods and smiles knowingly *

Ah, okay, I’ll be more verbose. There’s a bunch of lame tutorials about “how to be mysterious” on the web, but they’re generally a crazy mix of the somewhat useful and the completely ridiculous. In my opinion the coveted “aura of mysteriousness” is a pinch of secrecy + a certain form of inner confidence. And it’s not the kind of confidence that lets you approach strangers and sing on stage. I’m talking about the kind that frees you from seeking external validation of your thoughts, actions and existence. This is something that very few people have, but it can be learned. Think.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I suspect most people in the “how to become a vampire” crowd are looking for a shortcut to becoming cool (is that a pun?). That is understandable. My main reservation about this is that it’s an unlikely shortcut — and that most wanna-be’s don’t really understand what they’re asking for when they say “I want to be a vampire!”.

Personally, I consider the concept of blood-craving bona-fide vampires unrealistic. I haven’t seen any reasonable biological explanations for it, and the idea that “it’s magic!” doesn’t do it for me on this overall low-magic planet. Psychic vampirism is a different thing entirely, but there’s generally nothing glamorous about being unable to sustain your existence without becoming a (possibly unknowing) parasite. Okay, parasitism might not be the only way, but I won’t discuss that here.

Hey, this is probably the weirdest post on this site (so far) 😉

Related posts :

942 Responses to “How To Become a Vampire”

  1. Kirsten says:

    I dont know if i am or am not one
    I have very sharp teeth, I HATE going outside. I just burn, i am alot paler than my friends. I have very good eyesite in the dark and Love meat. I eat alot more meat than my family and usually like the ones filled with juice(blood)
    I wear alot of dark clothing too
    Is this just me being superstitious or am i really one?

  2. White Shadow says:

    It depends. While vampires might have those qualites, not everyone who is like that is a vampire. Or, to put it differently – all vampires have teeth, but not everyone who has teeth is a vampire.

  3. cody says:

    well i basically fit all of the above but yet i dont find myself craving blood all the time.

  4. the-one-who-knows says:

    to become one, you have to know one who is tired of being what he or she is, for they have to die for you to become one. you have to eat their heart and brain. disgusting i know.

  5. night sight says:

    well as I want you all to know I,am a vampire.I burn in daylight but a ring givin to me by some guy in the mountains prevents me from burning to bad.I do burn If I,am left in the light for too long.I go to night school with my budd,I try not to keep a lot of friends or try not to make any.I feed and live off of my girlfriend.dont worry she wont die I will make sure of that.the moon in the night sky almost blinds me as if I were looking in the sun.If you have anymore questions or want a dark gift contact me at my email. signed:shaynen,b

    E-mail is poke0304@aol.com

  6. Dhampir says:

    i think i might be a Dhampir but i am not sure i hate sunlight and have excellent night vision. i have extremely good night vision and i like blood a lot it has a way of making me hungry. if u have any suggestions e-mail me at ryan.929@hotmail.com or add me on myspace

  7. xXsilent_death_sonataXx says:

    ……………………. i need to be come a f****** vampire or im gonna comit suicide (which isnt recomended……) what is really good way that i can make it happen??!!!?!?!!!?!

  8. Dhampir says:

    there is no definite way to become one if there was i would be one. i would rather be a Dhampir than a vampire they have all the vampire attributes but ar able to be in the sunlight and aren’t hurt by it

  9. KANAMES ADMIRER says:

    me and my freind (she will remain anonymous) want to become one but cant find a way to do it with out having to have to die….please HEEEELLLLLP!!!!!!!

  10. Dillon says:

    I dont care what it takes i want to be a vampire!

  11. KANAMES ADMIRER says:

    you know wat ill be dhampir too!!!!!!

  12. xxCelestialxAllignmentxx says:

    ok i really wanna be a vampire. i dont care what it takes. even if i have to drink someones blood or execute my soul or something. infact, i love blood. sometimes, if i crave it to much i’ll lick my own. i hate being out in the sun, i feel my flesh burning. im not sure on my night vision, but at least im pretty pale.
    please, anyone who thinks or knows they are a vampire help me get there too. i want it so badly, even if it means death.

  13. Schuyler Lodemai says:

    I think I’m half mortal, half vampire. I have semi-sharp teeth and gold eyes. I love biting people, but not to the point of blood flow. I like darkness and can see perfectly in the night.

    But, I’m not extremely pale.
    I do like blood, but only my own.

    –Unless someone is bleeding already.

  14. Gabriel says:

    I found a name for our struggle. There is no complication with sunlight, I assure you. A simple rare steak will suffice, keeping in mind the craving for blood is measured by ones involvement and coonection. There is only one way to be, we can say, “initiated”… respond to this, if you are interested that is. I don’t want to waste my time, be sure of what you seek.

  15. annie says:

    @Kirsten -u p a vampire like me

  16. Cody says:

    @xXsilent_death_sonataXx – If you wanna become a vampire I can help you. There are ways, just most people are stupid to look toward the internet to find out how. You just gotta dig deeper. If you’re interested email me at hickmanc55@yahoo.com

  17. AKASHA says:

    HELLO CODY. MY NAME IS AKASHA WINTERS AND I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP. YOU SEE MY EX BOYFRIEND HATED THE FACT THAT IAM A VAMPIRE SO I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM. COULD YOU GIVE ME ANY TYPE OF ADVICE THAT MIGHT HELP ME IN THE FUTURE?@Cody

  18. Akasha says:

    Is anyone willing to leading me some good advice?

  19. Dhampir says:

    there is little advise i can give but 4 what i know there are 2 things u can do. U can
    either resist ur craving and try to hide the fact that u are a vamp or u can try to convert back to human which is really hard. i am neither vamp or human. i am a cross breed i am half vamp half human so in tech terms i am a dhampir. i have only some of a vampires affinities. i have excellent night vision and i have a craving 4 blood but i am not burned by sunlight.

  20. AKASHA says:

    IS IT EASY TO BECOME A DHAMPIR? WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO DO? IF ITS POSSIBLE COULD YOU HELP ME?

Leave a Reply